Not a moment goes by when I don’t think about this blog and wonder, should I go back to it? This is where I poured everything out during my darkest and lightest days in Japan and has been one of my safe places. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll do to be honest. My new blog: Stumbling In Japan is nowhere near what I want it to be, but at the same time, I’m in a completely different place in my life. For those that didn’t follow me to my new blog lemme give you a bit of an update.
So I last left off on this blog last March, and so much has happened since then. I was still in the midst of leaving the JET Program, a job that I worked so hard to get on, and it felt as if I was being booted out. I felt like a complete failure and even now, I still look back and blame myself for almost everything. To be put through so much nonsense in something that I held so dear to my professional life was pretty difficult. In the end though, I finished up with JET and started to freelance with teaching English lessons here and there and then I left for America for a three month break.
I figured I needed to get out of Japan, I had been working for almost four years straight and I was tired. For some reason, I thought coming back home for a short while would magically fix everything I thought was holding me back, but to be honest such a long break of nothingness made it worse. Not only that but when I was in San Francisco the friendships that I relied on the most were not there when I needed them to be. What did I learn?
Well, location changes nothing. So many people I’ve met think that living in another country is this magical wonderland of adventure and life changing moments. It’s really not, it’s just like living anywhere else. We work, we play, we travel, it’s all really the same except a different language and cultural nuances. I also learned that I put my trust in friends too high, and I rely on them far too much than I should. I feel like this past year I’ve gone through a variety of friendships that I’m not sure will last. I regret to say a lot of the people who I bonded with this past year I’m barely even talking to now. I know friendships come and go, but being so permanent in Japan makes me realize that I’ll be saying more goodbyes than hellos and that makes me wonder if it’s really worth it.
What’s with that anyways? Was I going about it all wrong? Either way, I feel pretty closed off from losing so many people and I’m not really ready to put myself out there and meet new people. So far since my move to Saitama I found one really cool person who I enjoy spending time with and I’m perfectly content with that.
So this has been a bit dark but don’t worry it gets better….hah..
Anyways in August my husband and I had our wedding ceremony and it was amazing. I had so many people come out to celebrate with me and it felt so nice to be around family and friends who I’ve known for years and years. Then I booked an earlier flight back to Japan and settled into my new home: Sayama, Saitama.
It’s been a huge adjustment and after immediately starting a new job that I completely rushed into, I realized that I jumped the gun with trying to make money instead of focusing on what I actually want to do. So after about 4 months of hating my job every moment I was there, I finally threw in the towel and decided to quit. Believe me, going to a job you hate plus an hour commute most days is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. I’m surprised I lasted so long. I’m actually still working but only part time and I’ll need to decide if I’ll leave at the end of December or in March. Anyways, wow it’s been a whirlwind of changes and I should have realized earlier how difficult it was going to be to re-adjust back into Japan life before I started to work.
So from now I have no clue what I’ll be doing. It’s scary but it’s better than being stuck. So I’m going to keep my chin up and do things for me and me only. I’m tired of being that person for everyone else.
Until next time.
For more regular updates and art check out my other blog: Stumbling in Japan.